A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...
- John DeSantis
- Jan 30, 2020
- 5 min read
I started writing the first half of this over 2 years ago at the time just capturing the moment of where things were. There’s no real lesson to be learned here, just an observation of the unbelievable changes a few years of growing kids can show you. At the same time there are other things that don’t change much. Maybe it’s because of our perception of what seems like long days and short years, or old habits and tendencies in our parenting style. Or, maybe once you’re in it and running full speed down that hill, there’s no stopping you. You’re on a moving train that may slow down sometimes, but never stops...
Then: 6/5/17 Nights can be long, making for even longer days that follow on little sleep. These growing minds race at speeds that would lap a formula one car on a full tank of gas and a fresh set of tires. Once your kids, or my goon squad as I prefer to call them, begin to form an understanding of who you are and the role you play in their expanding world, things change drastically. Some days these changes can seem as daunting or life-altering as the day you brought them home and realized from that moment on there would be no further action or major plans made again without next level introspection. A growing 9 month old who realizes you have the power to bring him a bottle, or pick him up if he's tired of rolling around on the living room floor wields the power of a wartime dictator. His wail is loud and fierce and he's finding his voice at the expense of your ears. Still, in the late nights after a long day, while they rest in your arms relaxing and calming to sleep, take note their soft growing head of hair, little fingers and toes will only be this small for this moment ever again. You're taken back to the times his almost 3 year old brother was this small. It was less than 2 years ago but seems like it was 2 months ago. Our O.G. (Original Goon) as I like to call him is the almost 3 year old. These days he's recently graduated from crib to car bed, getting nightly sleep as much as his infant neighbor will allow, surprisingly not terrible most days. He's a seasoned veteran in our household, knowledgable on our standard operating procedure and tendencies, learning what works or doesn't, feeding off our positive or negative energy. He's funny, angry, compassionate, manipulative, beautiful, fire-breathing, loving, spiteful...toddlers. Then you think about how you must have been in that moment with your parents as they rocked you to sleep. Think of the crying fits and restless nights you and your brother undoubtedly supplied them with. Hopefully there was a sweetness you exuded, even if only in moments, to give them their first glimpse of a kid to be proud of. You couldn't forget these moments as they are occurring all these years later, they probably didn't in your earliest years either. There must have been countless headaches and fuses you lit. You wish you had all these enlightenments earlier, but still are eternally grateful you have them now. Maybe someday your boys will feel the same way you do in this instant, miraculously going back in time to moments in your life you don't remember, ages 0-3. How is this possible?
Now: 1/30/2020
It’s almost three years later, now with a 5 year old, 3 year old, and 7 month old. Everything has changed again, but it hasn’t really. You’re still dealing with an infant slowly learning he’s wrapping you around his finger, and you don’t mind. You’re dealing with a toddler who sees this unfolding and trying your best with the little sleep you get to be there for them. They’re enjoying each other. And what was the almost 3 year old is now over 5 and growing before your eyes like a human time machine. He’s playing sports (hopefully developing something closer to his mother’s jump shot than yours), going to school, bringing home pieces of his day, some that make you more proud than you ever thought you could be, and other bits that fill you with worry as we often do.
The kids are getting older and it starts to make you feel old, but the ups and downs are worth their weight in gold for all the ups. Whenever a colleague asks how the kids are, you might tend to lean toward the negative, but then you get flooded with all the unfiltered love and joy you get from them that you know is some of the most honest stuff you guys have ever experienced.
So instead of getting too down, you laugh about things like having to spend your weekend following the 3 year old to the bathroom, making sure he doesn’t flush, then going through his poop to make sure he passes the Hungry Hungry Hippos™️ ball he swallowed 2 days ago (doctor’s orders FYI, in case your kid ever swallows a ball a little smaller than a marble; happy digging!).
When we think of the craziness in these days, and these crazy things our wild young kids can do as they start to test the waters around them, we laugh. We could just as easily cry because we know they’re growing every day, closer to the adults we’ve become, with all the infinite worry and pressure we can put on ourselves. We think about mortality, and it’s scary. Not just our own but our responsibility to help them on their journey of understanding their own. You try to keep this in mind to not scare the hell out of them so much that they’ll be a recluse, but just enough to enjoy every single day, or at least take the lessons it gives you on the bad days, without a directionless and reckless abandon.
We get one shot at this life, and if we’re lucky enough to have a kid or three, every piece of it we’ve experienced is a lesson for them to take like reading a chapter in a book. Our life, or our book, is what they’ll have of us when we’re gone. The bad can be just as enlightening as the good, but if you’re doing your best to make the good outweigh the bad on that scale, they’ll remember you mostly how you’d want them to.
Listening to:
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