Selfish parent: an oxymoron, now with expletives
- John DeSantis
- Dec 4, 2019
- 3 min read
The biggest change to get accustom to when you have a child is the notion that selfishness is no longer an option. Sure, you can still do things for yourself, but you better get the right permits for that and submit them to management (the baby) for a thorough approval process.
This involves an open live wire line of communication with your significant other or co-parent, whatever your situation might be. Having your co-parent as a spouse living under the same roof is the optimal situation because I had more questions than answers over the first 12 months of fatherhood. At the very least, posing a question to your fellow parent that’s followed by a blank stare or a response of “how should I know?” or some expletive-laced variation makes it feel good to know that at least you’re not the only one in the home who doesn’t really know what they’re doing. After all, misery loves company, right? An apt response to such indecision is Jimmy McNulty’s signature line “What did I do?” on The Wire, or some expletive-laced variation.
The other purpose a partner provides aside from the occasional embarrassment you feel in the wonder of whether they’re mad at you or mad at the baby or mad at both of you is their infinite support. Sometimes it’s the only thing that doesn’t make you feel completely helpless and lost in the world or parenting, especially as first time parents.
It’s the first day of school for you except you have no books, forgot a pencil and paper, only got 2 hours of sleep, and the teacher just gave you a pop quiz. Also, someone pooped their pants and you have to clean it. That’s a typical kind of parent feeling, perfection is futile. Hell, having a plan or schedule is often futile. Just keep your head up and support each other, everything is easier with an extra set of hands or someone to bounce ideas of new expletive combinations off of.
In these days, weeks, months, and years ahead any thought of self will be in the context of the others filling up the rest of your life. Instead of hangover headaches, you’ll now get to experience a sleep deprivation headache. In either case coffee helps. It’s a new world full of wonder and you’ll find yourself doing things both out of necessity and innovation that you never thought you had within you.
Diapers will be put on with scotch tape. An infant will be squeezed into a onesie a few sizes too small, not because they’re doing a baby version of Tommy Boy’s “Fat guy in a little coat,” but because you forgot what pile of clothes was the clean pile since you stopped folding things a month ago. You’ll wear PJ’s and slippers to the corner store in the middle of the night and contemplate how much better off society would be if that was suitable attire for the daytime. You’ll get pissed off seemingly as much as you get pissed on.
This is what a selfless parent looks like, just try to keep your wits about you and if you’re fortunate enough to have someone by your side make sure they know how lucky you are, because they’re lucky too if you’re both doing it together.
Listening to:
Selfishparent